the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
