dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
