Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
