there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
