eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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