Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
