im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
