Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
