Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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