WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
