remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
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No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm determined to sit on that face.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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