Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
