Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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