Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
