The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
