ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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