I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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