I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
