I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize