It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
