I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
