Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
