I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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