dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
