my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
