I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
