God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
