who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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