Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
