The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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