its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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