I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
