the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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