WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just pynch a tree in the face
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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