tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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