I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
