Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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