Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
