Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I believe in your delicious
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
