i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So much Jack, so little girl.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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