if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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