You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
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I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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