I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
