i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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