don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
