I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
