You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
