No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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