wakey wakey hands off snakey
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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