No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
