I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
