So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
