remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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