I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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