Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
