I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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