I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize