I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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