You're completely useless in the revolution.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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