why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
