The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
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No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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