Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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