Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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