Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
