so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
