there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
